


Duplicity

by ChestnutPatronus14



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Multi, One-Sided Attraction, One-Sided Relationship, Post-Shingeki no Kyojin: Kuinaki Sentaku | Attack on Titan: No Regrets, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Shingeki no Kyojin: Kuinaki Sentaku | Attack on Titan: No Regrets, Shingeki no Kyojin: Kuinaki Sentaku | Attack on Titan: No Regrets Spoilers, Titan Erwin Smith
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-28
Updated: 2018-03-23
Packaged: 2019-02-08 00:15:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 22,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12852585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChestnutPatronus14/pseuds/ChestnutPatronus14
Summary: Du·plic·i·ty (n): deceitfulness, double-dealing.What would happen, if the man that you had pledged to follow, the man who had changed your entire world view turned out to be the enemy?Levi Ackerman had never thought that those would be the questions that would go through his mind when he thought of Erwin Smith; his Commander, his confidant, the man he loved so deeply.  All it had taken was one mission, one brash decision to race after the Scouts when he was supposed to remain behind due to an injury for him to learn the harsh truth about Erwin Smith.And it causes his world to crumble.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome everyone. This fanfic was inspired by a piece of artwork I stumbled across on google which showed Erwin biting his hand in the way that Eren does to transform into a Titan, and the look of utter devastation on Levi's face.
> 
> The fic is rated for graphic depictions of violence. There are spoiler warnings for Attack on Titan: No Regrets (anime and manga versions), as well as for season 2 of the anime for those of you who have not seen it. 
> 
> Enjoy.

**(NOW)**

It was not possible.

It was his eyes playing a trick on him, that had to be the explanation.It had been a hard expedition, and he had to be tired.Tried eyes were about as useful as a lame horse, they could be misdirected, misled.Useless, pathetic.

It was not possible. 

Levi was on the ground, his right leg throbbing once more, his sleeves covered in a mixture of blood and of mud as his eyes were fixed on the man he had thought he had known, the one he had thought he could trust. The man who he had trusted far more than anyone else in recent memory.Blood dripped from his commander’s arm, dust-no it was not dust, it was smoke, seeming to pool around him.It had been a rough expedition, and all their attempts to rescue Eren had failed miserably, at least from where Levi had been standing.So many had been ripped apart, devoured by the soulless mindless creatures that they were sworn to hunt.Eren had had to have been rescued by the 104th cadet group that had joined with the Scouts. Now people were fighting, and people were being ripped apart limb from limb by the Titans. Until that moment when for some godforsaken reason, the Titans seemed to obey Eren.Now there were just people dying, the air thick with the smell of blood and of death.

“I apologize that I never told you Levi…” Erwin spoke his eyes on where the others had been retreating, the three Titans in human form;three of the four that had been assigned to the scouts, only Eren having remained behind.“In retrospect, I should have trusted you out of anyone with this.”Smoke was rising from where his arm had once been, slow, as the limb knit itself back together.The eyes that met his own seemed distant, seemed sad.  

“After everything you have been through.”

Levi couldn’t look away as Erwin lifted his hand staring at it as if there was nothing wrong with his fingers slowly reforming as the smoke continued to rise, the scent of burning flesh and blood filling Levi’s nose. All around him he could hear the sounds of others moving, some still following the orders to gather as many of the dead as they could, and others still had stopped to stare.The whispers were what got to him as much as the scent did, the sensations mingling around in his mind to create a volatile combination. His stomach churned in a way that it had not done so since he had been a child in the Underground.Back when it had been a fight to survive each and every day.

“Losing your friends the way you did…”

Furlan’s sad smile the wave when he had seen him, the acceptance of his fate clear on his features as the massive jaws crushed through his body, blood spilling through the creatures lips as he was torn apart, eaten with a sickening crunch, entrails and blood spraying everywhere, and all he had been able to do was stare as drops of hot blood hit his face, his mouth open in a silent scream for his lost friend.Something hitting his hands as the shock and grief closed their fingers around his throat forcing him to his hands and knees, only to see the dull and lifeless eyes that had belonged to Isabel, where now nothing but a bleak emptiness now resided, her torso gone save for her right arm which hung limp and lifeless.He had seen the bone, could still see blood pumping from her neck, bits of ligaments, her esophagus, and bile spilling onto the dirt by his boots.All he had left of his friends, his family, were the sickening memories of their deaths, and the patches that he had managed to find and tear from their bloody and torn clothes.

“And your team at the hands of the Female Titan.”

Seeing each of them, cutting them down as needed, wrapping them in the clothes. The patches now felt heavy in his pocket; Eld, Petra, Oruo, and Gunther, a weight on his chest that had only grown worse with each passing second as he stared at the man who had been his Commander, his trusted companion.Being the one to go to their families, to tell them that they had died, that their sacrifices would not be in vain, all the while recalling how he had seen them all fall from the cart in their efforts to get away from the Female Titan.

“For those reasons Levi, I-“

A blinding rage swirled through his body and he acted on instinct.He did not want to hear what Erwin had to say, the man did not deserve a chance to explain himself.He was a traitor, he had betrayed him.Levi was on his feet his sword drawn as he stared at him, his normal gaze suddenly filled with nothing but betrayal and hatred. The sword was no more than a half an inch from his throat, and his normally steady hand shook, visible as the light danced off of the quavering blade.All he would have to do was move the blade just a bit.“I should have killed you…I should have killed you years ago.”His voice was calm, despite the anger, the betrayal in his eyes.His leg ached painfully, and he wanted to run, he wanted to shout.He wanted to do everything that his years in the military had taught him not to do.

Be a good soldier, swallow the pain and the hurt and push forward.Do what you have to do to survive, and never forget the sacrifices of those who came before.Dedicate yourself to the cause so that the sacrifices of those who had come before would not be in vain. Be humanity’s strongest soldier.“I should have killed you, but you-You talked me out of it!You’re the one who said that it was the Titans’ fault that they had died!And you-you’re-“He couldn’t get the words out, it was as if there was a lump in his throat that made it impossible for him to speak. 

He could hear the sounds of footsteps, the sounds of shouts as people ran towards them from where the pair were as they had been all those years ago.Shouts of ‘this is not place for a fight,’and ‘Captain, Commander, what is going on.’The one that struck the worse was one from someone, Levi couldn’t pinpoint who.“Once a criminal, always a criminal.”It was the sound he had focused on and it didn’t take more than a flick of his wrist for a knife to go sailing past that person, slicing into the man’s cheek without doing any real harm.

Someone had grabbed him.Arms moved around his torso pinning his left arm to his side, one hand wrapping strong fingers around his wrist and forcing the blade away from Erwin’s neck, or at least was trying to.“Captain Levi.You’re the one who told me I had to make a choice, that I had to trust in my squad.”It was Eren.

“So trust us now.You do not want to do this.”

It was Eren.He was one of them.

“Everyone is tired, everyone is in shock, but you don’t-“Levi did not give Eren the chance to finish the comment.His shoulders went tense as he hooked his foot around Eren’s and yanked as hard as he could to topple the other despite the white hot ripping feeling that went through his right leg as he did so.The sound of the gasp did nothing to stop him, his motions were fluid as he used the other man’s surprise to grab his arm that held his wrist, and throw him over his shoulder. 

“You’re the reason my squad is dead.”Each word felt like fire ripping at his lungs, his throat. It felt like something in his leg popped, and the pain was sudden, blinding, his foot going numb even as he stood there panting heavily.His hair was messy, the black strands going every which way as his chest heaved with the effort of catching his breath and the anger that seemed uncontrollable at that point.The blade was no longer pointed just at Erwin, but at Eren as well the anger no longer focused on Erwin alone.Eren was staring at him from where he had landed, Erwin having used the moment to kneel down beside the other to make sure he was okay.

“You’re one of them…”Nothing made sense, his mind wasn’t able to comprehend what was happening and he was moving on instinct.“You’re one of them.You have done nothing but lie to me since I joined the Scouts at your insistence.What was this Erwin?” Levi clenched his jaw, his hand on his injured leg.“Was it all just some game to you?Was all of it just a game?” 

Those quiet moments alone when they were able to be. The subtly touches, the brushing glances when they sat close together.The moments of passion that would leave him laying breathless beside the other man.The moments where he finally found himself able to smile again after so long. 

“The nights where I woke up screaming because I was seeing their fucking faces again as they were ripped apart.The nights where I saw myself be the one to rip apart Furlan, where I was the one to pull Isabel’s head from her shoulders.”Was he bitting his lip?He must have been, the taste of blood was in his mouth.“Or when the only person who was able to get me to speak after my squad’s murder was you?”

Everyone remembered how he had acted after the deaths of Furlan and Isabel, how he had not just killed the Abnormal and the two other Titans that had been in the area, he had slaughtered them.Each blow had been quick, precise to cause physical agony.Even as more and more of the creatures blood covered him, even as his throat had grown painfully raw from screaming with rage and grief, he continued until each fell before him.How even then, the one that had bitten Furlan in half he would not stop until its head was no longer attached to its shoulders.There were those there, standing and staring that had remembered his response to what had happened to his beloved friends, Erwin, Hange, Miche. 

No one else dared to speak, they were just staring, uncertain what to make of their normally calm and composed captain’s sudden rage towards the commander.To Levi, it was the ultimate betrayal of his trust.The Titans had taken his family, his friends, his freedom.It had been Erwin who had started to get him to open up once more. Now?It was as if none of what he had gone through mattered anymore. 

“Humanity’s strongest solider.That is what they call me isn’t it?” There was a smirk on his features as he shook his head.It was with unsteady fingers that he reached up and undid the clasp at his throat, the green cloak falling from his shoulders.“Consider this…my resignation.”He turned straightening his shoulders and walking with his head held up back over towards his horse.He swung up and onto it, pressing his heels into the animal’s side as he galloped away.

Of course people were yelling after him.Different voices. He could hear Eren, Hange, that blonde kid’s voice.Yet nothing from Erwin, from the one person who he had wanted to hear something from, anything from. The tears began to fall down his cheeks as he road back for the wall.If he got there fast enough, he could get over Sienna and get down into the Underground.It was where he belonged.Maybe then their faces would stop haunting his days, his nights, his memories.

They were beside him as he rode as fast as the horse could managed.Each of them mocking him, scolding him for being so foolish.Furlan, his middle completely collapsed, his entrails sliding from the ragged hole like snakes.Isabel her head hanging onto her neck by a ligament, her eyes cold and lifeless.Gunther with his throat cut so deeply that he could see his spin.Eld, his second in command, cut clean in half, reaching for the lower part of his body even as blood continued to pool around him. Oruo, his body twisted and contorted into positions that were inhumanly possible.And Petra…her head bent completely back, her chest caved in from the force of the blow that had taken her life.

It was his fault they were dead.It was his fault they were all dead. Whether it was the pain, or the sudden and overwhelming guilt, just as he was within sight of the wall he slid from the back of his horse, hitting the ground hard enough that it jolted his mind into a more awake state of being.His stomach convulsed and what meager rations he had last eaten came out of his mouth, his throat burning as wretched. No.No. If he stayed one of them were going find him, they would drag him back to the rest of the group. 

_“Hey Levi.Let’s go home.”_

He lifted his eyes and looked up to the forms of Furlan and Isabel, holding out their hands to him, smiling at him as they had done so many times in the past. That was what he did.It took a lot of effort to push himself to his feet, pulling the patches from his coat pocket, slipping them into the pocket of his pants.He tugged the cravat from around his throat, and slid the coat off before he engaged the ODM gear and flew the rest of the way over the wall, and down into the city. 

He was going home, one way or another. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From here until the chapters meet up, the chapters will be in the past.
> 
> This chapters has Spoilers for No Regrets (Anime and Manga) as well as Attack on Titan so read at your own risk, and features two original characters to help move the plot forward.

**(THEN)**

 

No one else was going to go down into the Underground, and Levi did not want the news to come from anyone else.Furlan Church and Isabel Magnolia had been his friends, his family for so very long.In truth, they had been more like his family than his actual family had ever been.They both did have family down in the Underground still, Furlan had his younger brother, and Isabel had her grandmother.They deserved to know, they deserved to hear it from his lips how he had failed them, how if he had stayed that they might still be alive.That they had died to try and give other people a chance at life, that their deaths would not be in vain. 

As he climbed the steps down, the scent hit him first, and then the heat.It was a mixture of smoke, must, and the ever present linger of diseases that seemed to grow and thrive in the world without light.Levi tugged a mask over his mouth and nose to try and keep some of the scent at bay.The gear he had gotten as a Scout he had left above ground in the barracks in the Capitol, not wanting to display that he was military down there.He felt safe, he knew the streets, it had been his home, it had been where he had grown up.It was in the caverns that he had learned to use the ODM gear.It was on the streets where he had learned to jump, to flip, and to fight for his life because if he wasn’t fighting for it, no one else was going to.He had stolen, he had murdered, and he had done whatever he could do to provide a better life for himself, and for those down there.

When Furlan’s brother had fallen ill, he had broken into a pharmacy on the surface to steal medicine for the boy and fresh food. He stayed by Furlan’s side until he was better.He helped out Isabel’s grandmother when there were tasks in her small home that she could not do herself and Isabel was busy.Everything he had done for others, had been for those who he deemed to need help.And now?Now all he was there to do was provide news that was going to destroy the lives of two people he had come to know so very well.

The only thing that made the situation first was that they had been living in the same small house after they had left.Without Furlan to help pay for their place, his little brother, Rin had not be able to stay there and had had to move in.His entire body was shaking as he faced the two of them.“They were killed.They were killed trying to keep people safe, to save humanity.And I- I couldn’t-“He never saw the hit coming, but the boy had hit him so hand that it split his lip. 

“It’s your fault!” Rin shouted at him.“It’s your fault they left!It’s your fault he’s dead!”The boy was crying, and he hit him again.Levi took it.He wanted their anger, he wanted their hatred.It was what he felt he deserved, nothing but anger and hatred.The old woman put a hand on the boy’s shoulder.

“Leave now Levi.You are not of this place anymore.”

That statement hurt more than either of the boy’s hits.He wasn’t…he wasn’t of the Underground anymore.It was no longer his home.His home had abandoned him, had died away the moment that Furlan and Isabel had died. It was on shaky legs that he left, and he made his way back towards the stairs.He felt nothing as he climbed them, moving on instinct back up towards the light though stopped just before he was to enter it again.He held his hands out in front of his face, watched as they shook violently.

Until another pair of hands was covering his own.He lifted his eyes to look into blue eyes of Captain Smith. “It was not your responsibility to tell their families.”

Levi pulled his hands away from Erwin’s and scoffed, pushing past him as he finished climbing the rest of the steps.“No one else would. The only reason anyone goes down into the Underground is to buy, sell, or fuck.The military doesn’t give a damn about the people in the Underground.”Levi shoved his hands into his pockets.“They were my friends, it was my responsibility.”

That had seemed like such a long time ago that he had made the notifications for the relatives of the two people had trusted better than anything. Since then, Levi had made it a point, responsibility or not, to be the one to notify the families of those who were under his command.Being made a member, and then Captain of the Special Operations Squad had lowered the number of families that he had been delivering the earth shattering news to.Until the 57th expedition beyond the wall, when his entire squad had been executed. There was a press conference, names being announced of the dead, people raising candles, placing flowers in remembrance.

“I’m sorry Mr. Gin, Mrs. Gin.-“The looks of utter devastation on the old man and woman’s face as he told them that their son would never be coming home again.

“Oruo was one of the bravest men that I have had the pleasure of serving with-“ The sudden wails of his mother and sister, the small child having heard tugging at his father’s sleeve asking when his uncle would be home.

“Gunther fought until the very end, he was a solider.His sacrifice will not be in vain-.”The sharp, sudden slap that came with the grief stricken mother, the father demanding he leave.

“I’m sorry Mr. Rall.Petra died during our expedition.”He must have sounded cold, he must have looked expressionless.The names that were flung his way, followed by the sudden begging and crying of the old man were more than he could bare.He could feel the tears forming in his eyes.Her dear sweet father was cursing him, crying, falling to his knees, and when he had tried to help…he was pushed away.

Levi returned to the barracks and went to his quarters within them closing himself in and finally allowing that mask that he had put up so carefully into place.The tears began to fall suddenly his shoulders shaking, and then with such anger and grief he spun around and slammed his fist into the wall, once, twice.Failed.He had failed them.Once again his team was dead because he had failed them.Stupid.Worthless. Reckless.Dead.They were all dead because he failed them.All dead, because he had followed orders and left his team behind.All dead because he had been commanded to have them protect that Titan.

Again, he slammed his fist into the wooden beam by the door frame, feeling the jolt of pain that went through his hand, reverberating up his wrist and down his arm, the wet sticky feeling of blood on his knuckles.The tears continued to fall from his cheeks.Each moment he stood there, he kept cursing himself.It was building up, the anger, the self hatred.His fist hit the wood, though he felt nothing that time, and a cry of agony came from him, filled with anguish, and grief.It all came pouring out of him in an uncontrollable wave.

It was the only way he was able to cope with his work, with being a soldier and losing so many of the men and women he served with.He would bottle up his emotions until it was safe for him to let go, to admit that he was upset or angry or guilty.Normally, it was not as bad as it was that evening, but his mind was no longer processing rationally.

Levi had sunk down beside he door, crying, banging his head against the frame so lost to his grief, his guilt, that he did not hear the door to the room open and close, or realize that there was standing above him.The person said nothing, and it was only when the person sat down beside him that he opened his eyes to look to the person.

“Erwin…”His voice was hoarse, thick with the grief that he could not control after this last mission.All the other man did was wrap an arm around his shoulders, and pull him into his side.It was a gesture meant to be comforting, meant to be reassuring.All it did was cause new tears to fall down his cheeks, as he turned and pressed his face into Erwin’s shoulder, grasping at him with his hand.And that was how they stayed until there were no more tears for Levi to cry. 

Erwin had guided him to the bed, sitting him down on it and making sure he was stable before he had gone to get something, Levi didn’t know, and he didn’t quite care. His entire body felt numb, and his gaze was distant, unseeing.A cup was pressed to his lips, fingers on his chin lifting just enough that the water was able to flow into his mouth.Levi drank without being told, and when the small bits of cheese and hard meat were held by his mouth, he ate. The next thing he felt was his hand being lifted, and something cool and soft against his skin.His eyes moved to see Erwin sitting on the bed, cleaning his hand carefully, removing splinters were needed.The steady movement of his hands as Erwin wrapped the bandage around his knuckles was oddly soothing.

Another cloth was brought out, this one Erwin used to carefully clean his face, wiping away the dirt, soot, and tears that clung to his features.The touch was so gentle, so kind, that it was enough to draw him back from his grief if only for a moment in time.

“I should go, if you need-“

Levi’s hand shot out, grasping Erwin’s as the other man had stood to leave. “Don’t.I don’t…”

It seemed like ages, and his heart sank as Erwin pulled his hand way and went to lock the door. It was the soft click that had caught Levi’s attention and looked up, watching as the other man moved, pulling back the covers on the bed wordlessly.Then Levi was in his arms being carried to the other side of the bed, and set down on the edge.Steady and strong fingers removed the straps of the ODM gear, and tugged the boots from his feet.Erwin moved Levi’s legs so they were on the bed, and the other was laying down.“You need rest Levi,” he said his voice far gentler than Levi was used to.“I won’t leave.I will be here when you wake.”

Levi watched him before the exhausted took hold of him, and dragged him into the darkness.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for those of you reading this. There is implied cannibalism, night terrors, and depictions of violence and gore.

**(THEN)**

 

His fingers dug into the flesh as another scream came from the red haired woman, his teeth sinking and tearing at her neck.Wet, hot blood filled his mouth, staining his teeth red.She was begging, begging for him to stop, pleading with him that this wasn’t him, that she did not blame him for what happened to Furlan.She cried, she called him brother, and she begged her words muffled and gurgled.Another piece of flesh came away in his jaws and he swallowed it down, his eyes fixed on the wound that was gushing blood, the white bone visible, the ribbed tube of muscle pulsing as the woman took her last few breathes.He went back for more, ripping, tearing, and eating as-

There was a sharp stinging pain radiating from his cheek, and his eyes opened to a room filled with light.There was no smell of smoke, there was no body before him.There was no blood on his hands, and no taste of it in his mouth.His hands began to shake as staring at them with wide frightened eyes.It had felt so real, it had felt so incredibly real. 

“Levi.”

Levi lifted his eyes to the sound of the voice, it took a few moments before he managed to focus on the features of the man standing beside his bed.He was leaning in close, those eyes of him incredibly staring at him with an intensity that caused a shudder to go down Levi’s spine. Why was he there?Everything felt heavy to him, like there was a great weight had been placed over him making it difficult for him to move.He went to move to push himself into a seated position, only to have Erwin place a hand on his shoulder, moving his arm closer to his face.

The bite mark had caught his attention the second he spotted it on the man’s forearm.It was red, deep blood forming in two half-moons on his flesh, as if someone-The sudden pang of guilt hit his stomach like a sledgehammer. Levi had to cover his mouth and roll physically away from Erwin as his stomach threatened to rebel against him.His hand tried to find the waste bin that was normally by the bed but couldn’t find it.In a twisted bundle of linens from the bed, he fell to the ground and finally managed to grab something tugging it close as the wretched bile into it, his entire body shaking. 

What was happening to him?What was he becoming?All it had taken was one dream and he had sunk his teeth into Erwin’s arm with the intention of ripping him apart.His eyes were as wide as saucers, staring into the sickening mixture of bile and the chewed remains of whatever it was he had last eaten.The desire was there again, the need to lash out, the need to strike something hard enough to hurt, but he couldn’t move. 

Then Erwin was there beside him, pulling the basket away from him and lifting him once more into his arms moving to place him down on the bed.A soft gentle hand was placed upon his forehead, a touch that few ever saw.“What were you dreaming Levi?” he asked in a calm voice.

Levi felt the bed move as the other man took a seat beside him, felt the touch of his hand covering his own.“Isabel…” Levi admitted after a moment.“She was dying and I was-“Levi felt like he was going to be ill once more, moving his bandaged hand to cover his mouth.“And I bit you.Erwin I-“

“You don’t need to do anything Levi.”How was it possible for Erwin to remain so calm even after just having been bitten by him?The tears were falling down his cheeks, and Levi hated himself even more in that moment.His eyes widened ever so slightly as he felt the hand move to cup his cheek, guide him to look into his eyes.“I do not blame you.It was a nightmare.It was nothing more than a nightmare Levi.You are safe, and I am here with you.”

The simple act of comfort as Levi felt the caress of Erwin’s thumb wiping the tears from his face was so foreign to him that for a moment his racing mind was able to slow down and focus on the man beside him.For so long they had been together, they had been partners working side by side.Ever since the day that he had lost his old life, and started a new one.The Levi that he had been had died that day on the field with Furlan and Isabel.The man who had been kind, had thought of others down in the Underground had closed his heart off.He had let two people in, and they had died, so with them did he. 

His squad, all of them, they had started to break through that wall once more.It was something that everyone had seemed to notice. With each passing day, his hard exterior seemed to soften, and a smile would on occasion grace his features.He learned to trust them the way that he had Furlan and Isabel.Eld had been the first, and Petra the last.Now, all that remained of his squad was some kid that they all had died to keep safe.

The biggest factor, the one that people did not realize was Erwin and Hange. They had been patient with him, they had been careful around him and took the time for him to want to be near them.It had worked, Levi was very rarely without Erwin, and if he wasn’t with Erwin he was with Hange. It was so simple to see that he had begun to change, but was so distrustful of the rest.Erwin had been the one to push him to be the Captain of Special Operations, and it had been him who had given him the permission to select those members. Each one he took weeks getting to know, observing their style.And Petra… God she reminded him of Isabel. She had been so kind, and so trusting, and all she had thought of was others, and wanting to get him to notice her.

His lips parted as if to speak but no words came from him as the tears continued to fall from his tired eyes.Would it never end? Would this be his life from now on?The one who had to make the life or death calls for his team, the one who would be the person to tell the families, see the devastation in their eyes, bear their pain and hear their angry words. 

“Humanity’s strongest soldier.”Erwin’s words were so gentle, so hypnotic in the way that he spoke that Levi had to close his eyes.“You are the strongest of us all, and the weight you bear is the hopes of all of us.” Levi felt his other hand come up to hold the other side of his face, felt the touch of his forehead against his own. “You don’t have to bear it alone Levi.You’re not alone…”

For how long they sat like that, Levi could not be certain, his sense of time was lost to him.They were so close, and with each beat of his heart, Levi felt the weight disappearing from his chest.Was this what it was like to have someone to care for you?Was this what it was like when someone loved you?Levi could not be certain, the emotions that were drifting through his mind were not ones that he was familiar with.It wasn’t the caring he had felt for Furlan and Isabel, and it wasn’t the compassion and pride he had felt for his squad. 

All too soon though, Erwin had pulled away from him, and only then did Levi open his eyes to look up at him, a mixture of confusion and sorrow in his eyes.“There is hot water in your washroom for a bath, it will take the ache from your muscles.I need to go speak with the doctor.”There was no gentle goodbye, no lingering glance, no trace of whatever bond that had been there moments before remaining as Erwin left the room, leaving Levi alone with his thoughts.

It took a moment for him to bring himself to stand up, limping over to the washroom that had been attached to his quarters, a perk of being a Captain.His eyes lingered on the large copper basin that was in the room with steam rising from it.The room smelled fresh, the air cool as he slowly removed his shirt, pants, and underwear, taking the moment to make sure they were still folded, even if everything needed to be washed. It was one simple task that he could do to control the chaos of the world around him. 

Levi stood by the tub, hand held just above the water, so clear that it looked like glass, savoring the heat.Bracing his hands on either side of the basin he lifted himself up and into the water, in such a fashion that did not allow a significant amount of pressure to be placed on his wounded right leg. The hot water bit at his skin in a way that helped him to relax, the tension seeping from him as he closed his eyes, sinking low into the water. Nimble fingers removed the bandage around his hand and he stared at his bruised, swollen and cut knuckles with numb eyes.

Dead. They were dead. His friends were dead.

Levi curled his outstretched injured hand into a fist so tightly the cuts that had started to scab, reopened sending small trickles of blood down his arm as he watched. That pain was simpler, that pain would go away in moments, rather than the constant and dull ache that seemed to constantly linger in his heart.Humanity’s strongest soldier…It was too great of a weight to bear, it was far too much pressure for one-

“It’s not just me anymore is it?” he said to himself as he let his fingers uncurl watching the rays of the sunlight through his hand and the shadows that were on the ceiling.“It’s Eren now…If I’m the strongest, then he is humanity’s best hope.”It was not a title that he would wish upon any, especially not a fifteen year old, not when he was supposed to be the adult, the one to lead.More and more seemed interested in Eren, in the strange ability the boy possessed.“Is it interest or is it fear,” he said as he clenched his hand into a tight fist once more, staring at his knuckles. 

Self-destructive, that was what he was being.Wasn’t it?There was something in his actions and his inability to function that-“Erwin?” He had heard the door open and close, and he shifted in the tub his eyes fixed on the door.No answer.His eyes scanned the room for something, for anything he could use as a weapon in order to defend himself on the off chance that it was someone else. 

The door to the washroom opened and Erwin looked in, and honestly Levi was not sure that he had ever felt sorelieved to see the other man.There was almost an amused smirk on the other man’s features as he approached, tugging a small step stool over by the tub to sit on.“It’s been fifteen minutes, I would have expected you of all people to be clean by now.”

“I was thinking, lost track of time.”

“Head under Levi.”The command was gentle, more a strong encouragement than anything else, but Levi did as he was told, sinking down into the water to submerge his head and wet his hair.Before he could ask why when he had resurfaced, he felt Erwin’s fingers in his hair.The strong digits massaging his scalp, the fresh clean scent of soap filling his nose. 

The attention was almost enough to have Levi drift off to sleep once more. He could be vulnerable, he could be weak around Erwin in a way that no one else had ever allowed him to be.It was welcomed, it was an escape from his reality where the weight seemed to be pressing down on his chest each and every day. “When was the last time you had a nightmare?” Levi asked, his voice soft, heavy with sleep.

“Last night.”Erwin stated, moving to cup water in his hands to rinse the soap from Levi’s dark locks.“As I said Levi, you’re not alone.”

Levi fell quiet, thinking that bit of information over in his mind.There was someone else he wanted to check in with. Another person who had seen as much as he had, and was going through the same thing he had been when he first joined the ranks of the Scouts. “I need to see Eren.”

“You need to be dressed first.”

“Then I need you to leave Commander.”His voice was suddenly firm leaving no room for interpretation as he turned in the water to lock eyes with his Commander.“I need to get dressed, and then I need to speak with my soldier.”

“Of course Levi.”


	4. Chapter 4

**(THEN)**

 

It had taken several hours for Levi to be able to come face to face with Eren Jaeger for the first time since the forest.The boy had been unconscious for the majority of the journey back to Trost, and what was worse, was that they had failed in their mission to capture the Female Titan.It meant that the future for the young man was bleak, not the kind of future that he and Erwin had had in mind.

 

“Commander Smith you cannot be serious about this!”

“I am, Miche.We are going to take Eren Jaeger into custody.The way that he had fought against the Titans during the attack on Trost is something that we cannot simply ignore.” 

“And who do you propose to have stick their neck out for this?Who is your sacrificial lamb for when he loses his mind and eats his handler?”

Levi had been standing in the corner, lifted his eyes listening as Hange and Miche debated the pros and cons of who would take custody of him.“I will,” he said and the others fell silent.Levi watched as Erwin’s eyes turned to him.“You’d need someone who won’t be afraid to put him down if he loses control. I won’t hesitate.”

 

It was to his dismay that the doctor on staff at the barracks had ordered him to bedrest for his injured leg for at least the next twenty-four to forty-eight hours until the swelling went down. It was with a stern look from his Commander that he agreed to remaining in his bed.He never said how long he planned on listening to him however, somethings were just unavoidable and required him to be out of bed, like answering the door when the soft knock came.The split on his ankle made him waddle slightly and he grimaced, he must look quite a sight. He tugged the door open only to have Eren staring back at him with those bright green eyes.

Something was different though, in them there was a look of exhausted, and of guilt.Was he too late to talk to him?Would his entire plan have been for nothing simply because he had not taken the time quickly enough to find him?

“Come in,” Levi said moving back over to the bed, sitting so that his right leg was on the bed as instructed, his left hanging off, foot just resting on the floor.He watched Eren was he entered the room and closed the door his eyes instantly going to the floor.

Guilt.That look in his eyes had been guilt.Eren dropped to the floor his head bowed.“Captain Levi I am so sorry, I didn’t know.They told me, they told me to go, to trust them and I-“

“And you did exactly as they asked of you.You put your trust in them, and they did as they were trained to do.”His eyes travelled to the side table where the patches were resting.“I told you that you would be faced with making difficult choices Eren.We are at war, we lose soldiers.”He could feel his eyes watching him as he spoke of what had happened.“That does not make losing anyone any easier.”His voiced had faltered slightly and he closed his eyes taking a deep breath so that he could calm his nerves.“And I do not blame you for what happened to them.”

Levi studied Eren, how those intelligent green eyes just stared, wide, like a frightened animal worried about what was to happen to him. It was so odd to him that this boy would look at him in such a way that he could barely stand to see it.It was the look that he knew he had had on his features the day that he had tried to kill Erwin after having found Isabel and Furlan dead so long ago.“You cannot let your emotions control you Eren.It will do nothing but cause you more pain.I learned that the hard way.Use it, harness it.Do not let it control you.”

“I didn’t let it-“What happened next, happened suddenly.Levi was on his feet grabbing Eren by the collar of his shirt, hoisting him up and slamming him against the wall.The shock in the green eyes turned to sudden anger.

“There.That anger.What shines bright in your eyes right now.How I have you pinned to this wall,” Levi begin, his forearm pressed to Eren’s throat, his weight on his good leg. “When both my hand and my leg are injured.You aren’t a cadet anymore Jaeger.It’s time to start acting like a soldier.Soldiers die.Your friends will die.It is not your fault.It is theirs, it is the Titans’.”

And suddenly he was back in the field, his sword drawn against Erwin’s neck staring at him with angry, heartbroken, guilt ridden eyes.Erwin was saying those same words to him.It was not his fault, it was the Titans.His friends were not dead by his hands, it was by the Titans.

“They died because-“

“Because the Female Titan killed them.They knew the risks, they knew the chance they took. Carry them with you, do not let them have died in vain. They sacrificed their lives so you might live.I am humanity’s strongest solider, but you? You are our best hope of a future.”

Levi took a step back away from him watching as Eren seemed to manage to compose himself. Moments passed as the two just stood there before Eren spoke.“And how exactly do you expect me to do that? You and the Commander.”

“The same way the Commander helped me.I am your Captain.You need anything you come to me. You need to talk to someone in the middle of the night, you come wake me. You feel as if you’re about to break, you yell my name and I will be there.”It was more than he offered most of the soldiers.It was the offer he had made to his squad. It was the offer that had been made to him after the deaths of his friends.This time was different, this time he was the one making it after he had lost those he had trusted, to the person that they had died to protect.The one that was no different than them.“You are not alone Eren. You have me.”

His eyes darkened for a moment as he looked over towards the window where the sky was beginning to darken.Tomorrow, tomorrow they were bound by orders to relinquish Eren to the Military Police.“And we are not about to hand you over to the MPs without a fight.”


	5. Chapter 5

**(THEN)**

 

There was a meeting that evening, and despite still being under doctor’s, though Levi was suspicious that it was actually Erwin’s, orders to remain resting.There was something that the blonde kid, Armin, Levi thought his name was, had wanted to discuss about the Female Titan.With everything going on with Eren, there was no chance that Levi was about to miss that meeting.Eren was all he had left of his squad, and that protective nature that had developed for those close to him had kicked into overdrive with the deaths of Oruo, Gunther, Eld, and Petra.They had been hand picked by him for numerous reasons, and they had died following his orders to protect Eren.He would not let their deaths be in vain.

Levi had made sure to arrive early, leaning against the wall in such a way that he was able to take the weight off of his injured leg.He wouldn’t let the traces of pain that were lingering cross his features. It would not do well to show the pain he was in.It would have been something that Petra would have been able to pick up, she was empathetic enough to notice even the slightest of changes in his mood.Or Eld, simply because he had known Levi longer than the other members of the squad.His eyes gazed out the window, down towards where the stables were, if he closed his eyes he could picture them down their with their horses, talking and laughing.They’d call out to him when he’d walk by and he’d humor them, going over to join them.It wasn’t often that Levi had ever been able to relax, but he had when he was around them.

The door opened and the voices of those entering stopped.Levi looked over to see Erwin, Hange, and Miche enter the room all pausing when they saw him.

“Levi, I thought-“

“Commander you are about to have a meeting with the cadets who joined us, one of whom is a friend of the only surviving member of my squad.If you thought for a second that there was any way that I was going to miss this.You thought wrong.” Levi moved to take a seat at the table, a brow raised as if challenging Erwin.His expression changed though the instant Hange had plopped down beside him and had grabbed his face to stare into his eyes. “Hange what exactly are you doing?”

“Making sure you are okay Levi.We all could hear you and Erwin said-“ 

Levi cut them off looking to Erwin with daggers in his eyes.“Care to explain why you told them?”

“To evaluate you.”

That was like a slap to his face, and he pushed Hange’s hands away from his face, forcing back the scowl that threatened to take over.Miche seemed to move the slightest bit from where Levi sat to be between the Commander and the Captain. “It was not meant to discredit you Levi.We all have a job to do and we all knew the plan going in,” Miche said keeping his eyes on him.“We are all at the end of the day soldiers.A lot of lives were lost today.”The second part was left unsaid. They all knew how Levi was, how he always remembered those who had died, how he made a point of making sure every family was told by their son’s or daughter’s commanding officer.How he made sure that no matter the situation, those who were lost were the ones who were remembered.

“Tell me then, am I fit for duty?” Levi turned to look towards Erwin.“Did you include my statement about how I like to kill the Titans?Or have you forgotten that it is my duty to make sure that if Eren loses control that I’m the one to kill him?”Perhaps that was the reason why Erwin had spoken with Hange and Miche.They had all survived Hell five years ago, they all trusted each other beyond what others hand. Levi had just lost his entire squad, had found their batter, broken, and torn bodies with Eren being the only survivor out of his squad.Of course there would be questions on whether or not that he would be able to continue what he was assigned to do.“Let me clear something up for you Commander, I will not fail.I will not let my squads’ deaths be in vain.”

His eyes moved to the table at the sound of something moving over it, to see a cup of tea being slid to him by Hange.He nodded his thanks to them, and lifted the cup taking a sip from it. “No one is questioning you Levi.You have seen more than us, Erwin was concerned for you,” Hange said, their voice calm, soothing, as if speaking to an upset child.

It would have bothered Levi to have been spoken to like that, but it worked. It worked every time and he did not like that Hange had figured that out.Levi opened his mouth to make a comment about talking to him like he was one of their pet Titans, when there was a knock on the door and Armin was brought into the room by Moblit, and the meeting was set to begin.

It took hours, the questioning handled by Erwin himself, and with each time Armin said something another cadet was brought in to confirm and be updated on the events of what was going on, on the suspected nature of their enemy, and just who they thought it was.One by one the former members of the 104th Cadet squad were brought in, until the only one not present was Eren Jaeger. 

When the time had come, and it was Eren who was brought in and saw all the people present in the room, Levi could see that same flicker of panic that he had once recognized in Isabel’s eyes, that he had seen in Petra’s. A part of him wanted to stand and move to his soldier’s side, provide that support that the young soldier needed from him.Levi did not move, not with so many eyes on him.If it came down to it, he would stand, and he would move to Eren’s side and pull him from the room.

Eren argued, denial in his voice, there was no chance that the Female Titan was Annie Leonhart.Yet the more his friends spoke, the more the realization seemed to settle over Eren.The whirlwind of emotions that were going through his eyes was something that Levi had wished to shield him from, had so wished to shelter him from if he had been able.Yet there was no denying what Annie was, and their plan as crude and as dangerous as it was, hinged on Eren understanding and believing it.

It was as the shock and the denial left his eyes that the anger flickered to life, and only then did Levi get to his feet and move over to Eren.No one had watched the Captain moved to stand beside his soldier, one hand on the table next to where Eren sat, not saying a word to him, but not letting him feel alone. Levi met Erwin’s gaze across the table where the commander sat as the room grew quiet, sitting, watching, waiting to find out what was going to happen next.

“What we need Eren if we are to capture her, hold her accountable for those whose lives she claimed,” Levi said his eyes never leaving Erwin.“Is for you to help us lure her out.As you know, we are to go to the Capitol tomorrow to hand you over to the MPs, we have no intention of doing.Jean Kirschtein has volunteered to be our decoy, while you, Armin, and Mikasa lure her into a trap.”

“I’ll do it.”

The suddenness with which Eren had announced his willingness to go along with the plan seemed to shock some; not Levi.Levi knew why he had agreed, it was the same reasoning that had convinced him to join the Scouts years ago.Revenge. Pure and simple.

It took another hour or so before Erwin dismissed them to prepare for the following day.“Captain Levi, a word.”Levi had been just about to leave with Miche and Hange when his Commander had called him to stay back.He paused by the door his eyes on Erwin as the rest left the room, and he moved to close the door.“I need to talk to you about a personal matter.”

That phrase sent a jab of pain through his heart, fear grasping at him as if something was about to happen, a hammer brought down against his fragile world, shattering him.Levi refused to let it show on his features, instead following Erwin’s movements as he walked back to the window staring down out of it.After a heartbeat, he followed after Erwin, coming to stand next to him at the window. 

“Levi I-“

“I know.”Some part of him had known, had come to realize that Erwin’s feelings towards him went beyond their friendship, went beyond the deep bond that had formed between the four survivors of five years ago. It had been the night that Erwin had come to him, and spent time by his side, had done everything to make sure that he felt better, Erwin had put him before himself.It was not something that anyone had done for him in a long time.Levi turned to look up towards Erwin, the Commander looking down towards him.“I know Erwin.”

The touch to his cheek was soft, gentle, despite the callouses on his hand as Erwin brushed a thumb along his cheek.The look in Erwin’s eyes was filled with compassion and love.“My brave captain, how observant you are.”

“You deserve someone better.”The words came from him before Levi was able to stop him.“I’m a thief, I’m a murderer.”

“You are a Scout, you wear the Wings of Freedom, you fight everyday for humanity, and you bear the weight of the world on your shoulders.”Erwin’s breath was warm against his face as he leaned down, his nose just barely touching Levi’s.“You deserve all this world has to offer, and everything I have to offer.”

It had been so long since Levi had last been with anyone, since he had had any interest in being with anyone.Watching Furlan be ripped apart by the Titan had caused a visceral reaction, physically, mentally, emotionally within him.It had taken days for him to be able to function normally again, and were it not for Erwin, he would have wasted away to nothing.The world was a cruel place, and he had to fight.Every day he fought; the Titans, the stares of those who still held a grudge with him for not completing the training the cadets had, against his own mind and heart.He fought to remain calm, he fought to remain standing under the crushing weight of the deaths of all those who he had known.

“The last person I was with, losing him nearly destroyed me,” Levi stated, hoping his voice was calmer than he felt, his heart and mind arguing.One said lean in, wrap an arm around his commander and press his lips to his.The other said to push him back, to turn and leave the room and not even take the chance.

“I won’t leave you.”

“You can’t promise that Erwin, we’re at war.We’re hunters.We fight for humanity every day. You speak as if the future is certain when it isn’t.You promise something you can’t.”Levi could feel the walls going back up around himself even as another hand was placed on his face.He closed his eyes fighting back the images of Erwin being killed in all the ways of his squad, of Furlan and of Isabel.The horrific images dancing across his mind made his shoulders begin to shake.His hands came up and wrapped around Erwin’s wrists.“I cannot lose you too.”

“Then have me, for as long as this world permits us to be together.” 

“Okay…” The word came whispered from Levi right before Erwin’s lips were on his own, the kiss gentle, slow, filled with all the love that the other man had to offer him.It was an overwhelming feeling, the sudden mixture of emotions as he felt a hand leave his face, an arm going around his back to pull him close.If whatever this was would last, if it would only last for one night, Levi did not care.In that moment, all he wanted, all he needed was Erwin in whatever way the other man would have him.

It was only when they had pulled apart, had made the trip from the room they had been in back to Erwin’s quarters was Levi able to think, process his options and his choice was clear.The hesitation had left him as Erwin closed the door and turned once more to claim his lips.It turned from the slow, gentle first kiss, to something deeper, fueled by desire and longing for each other.Levi’s back was pressed to the wall, his head tilted to the side as Erwin kissed and bit at the skin along his neck.He reached up, tugging at the scarf around his throat, letting it fall from his fingers. 

Erwin pulled back to look into Levi’s eyes, holding his gaze for a long moment.“Is this what you want Levi?” he asked, his voice sounding hoarse, filled with the same desire that was swirling through Levi.“If it’s not…tell me now.”

Levi smirked leaning up to press his lips to the corner of Erwin’s mouth.“I would not have come this far if you weren’t what I wanted.”


	6. Chapter 6

**(THEN)**

 

The sun had only just begun to peak over the horizon when Levi had opened his eyes, a dull ache drawing him from the first restful sleep in a long while.It was around this time that he typically was awake regardless, a habit he had had for years.He had been the first of his squad to wake up, and Levi would take the time to personally see to his squad’s horses, and their gear prior to any of them waking up each morning.It had been a routine that they had all just seemed to accept.Of course he allowed them to check their own gear, tend to their own horses, but he always did so first, a way to calm a mind frayed with worry.It was locked behind his calm exterior, that front that he had learned so long ago to keep in place no matter what was going on in his mind.

It hit him, suddenly, that it was a habit he no longer had to do.His squad, his family, was once more taken from him by the Titans; ripped apart, crushed, and broken.His stomach lurched, threatened to rebel against him as he placed his fist against his mouth to choke back a sob.It was impossible for him not to feel the grief, it was still fresh, less than a week or so since it had happened. 

Tears were threatening to spill from the corners of his eyes, when the touch of a calloused, warm hand on his waist drew him from his own mind and back to reality.A shiver went down his spine as warmth radiated from the body that was suddenly pressed against his back.“Breathe Levi, close your eyes, focus on my voice.”It was that deep note, that tone that Erwin reserved for him.

Levi did as instructed; closed his eyes, focused on Erwin’s voice, his touch, and on his breathing, making to align his own with the steady rise and fall of Erwin’s chest against his back.“Have you always had those bruises on your legs?” he asked softly, and Levi nodded his head.His fingers ran along the dull discoloration in his legs where the bruises seemed permanently etched onto his pale flesh. 

“The straps from the gear.Consistent pressure until you fly, take a turn too sharp, causes a bruise.”For Levi, it was worse than some of the others.His complexion was paler than most from growing up in the Underground, and his skin showed bruises more easily.On his legs and abdomen, the lines of the straps for the ODM gear were clear as day.The ones on his left leg were worse, given the injury to his ankle and how he had landed that day.

For a long moment the only sounds in the room was their breathing.“Why are you awake so early Levi?”

“Habit…”Levi’s gaze went distant, feeling the calloused fingers tracing along one of the marks on his thigh, the sudden warmth of the other man against his back as Erwin near him.“I would wake up, I would check their gear, I would tend to the horses,I would make sure everything was safe, that everything worked. That by the time they woke up there was food for them, that I knew that everything would be okay because I had seen to it myself.”He found himself leaning back into the warmth, craving that contact with him.“They all knew…I started with the horses after I first was assigned to Special Operations.It got worse after Shiganshina, I had to know that they would be safe.They were my squad.Like my family.I had to know that-“He couldn’t finish the sentence, his stomach twisting into a knot as he leaned forward his eyes closed trying to focus on his breathing.

“You had to know that you had done everything you could to protect them, to prepare them, in case you weren’t there.”

The words hung in the air, thick, heavy.That was exactly it and Erwin knew damn well that it had started long before he had been assigned to Special Operations.It had started when he was in the Underground with the ODM gear that Furlan and Isabel had used.It had happened when they became members of the Scouts. It was an obsessive knowledge to know that he had done everything he could to make sure that they would be safe if he was not there that carried on to when he was the only one who remained standing.Then it was with Erwin, Hange, and Miche.It settled for a time as he had seen each of them and how capable they were.Then the Special Operations Squad was formed and he was made the head of it.It got worse.What had been a habit quickly became an obsession.He had to keep his squad safe.It was one of the little things that he could do to help.

“In the end, it was pointless, it did nothing to help them in the end.They still-They still.”Levi had to cover his mouth again to stop the sob that threatened to rip from his mouth. He could feel Erwin’s hand move from his thigh to his back, moving up and down along his spine as if to soothe them.

“It did, because they knew that you cared about them Levi.They knew just how much you cared about them.”His voice was firm, leaving no time for questions regarding what he had said.“I saw it, how they put their faith in you, how they trusted that you would not lead them astray.They respected you, they trusted you, they cared about you as much as you did them.”

It did nothing to stop the tears from threatening to fall from his face, yet it was the warmth of Erwin’s body, his arms slowly wrapping around him, enveloping his small frame arms, pulling him close.“You carry the weight of the world Levi, the burden of humanity.” 

The warmth and the weight of the other man was enough to help Levi begin to calm down, faster than he had thought was possible for him right then.His breaths were still coming uneven, though the slight tremble in his shoulders had disappeared.He felt the kiss brush along his neck, his jaw. “Go.Check on our horses, check our gear.”

Our.Erwin had said our.Silently, Levi pulled away from the other man and dressed himself, something that he was not sure that Erwin had ever seen quite how meticulous he was when it came to his appearance.Cleaning yes, that was something almost the entire garrison knew about him.He took his time, taking care to make sure that his pants were wrinkle free enough that he could tolerate going back to his own room for fresh clothing.Levi didn’t rush, took his time, one button at a time.The only thing he did not put back on was the straps that went along with the ODM gear. 

It took time for him to change into fresh clothing, the knowledge that they were headed to the capitol lingering in the back of his mind.The only thing different to his wardrobe as over his clothing he went with his long black coat rather than his green cloak. It was only when he was dressed that he went and checked his gear, and Erwin’s, even Hanji when he found them passed out at their desk.

The horses were happy to see him, snatching the apples that he offered to the beasts to whom Levi took special care of.They relied on the horses, they deserved to be taken care of.Around him, he could hear the sounds of people moving about preparing the carriages that would bring them into the city, the nervous beats of the horses stopping at the ground able to sense the rising tension in the air.

Levi paused his hand resting on the velvet nose of his black-gray horse, staring into the gentle knowing eyes. After a moments pause, as if he was asking the horse if he thought the idea was worth it, some of the tension left his shoulders as he moved away from the stable.There were people watching him, there always were just curious about him as if his ability with the ODM gear and his skill at killing Titans was some sort of super-human feat.It wasn’t.Levi climbed the stairs and paused when he reached the store room where the rookies had been keeping their gear under lock and key.Of course they were suspected, it was only natural to suspect all of them. 

It was foolish of him to want to check their gear wasn’t it?The rookies always were he ones who took care of their gear the best, especially after Trost from what he had heard.Most of them had run out of gas and it was a damn miracle they survived.

 _Not a miracle._ He thought. _A Titan_.His fingers closed around the handle and turned it, pressing against the door so it open.At the sound of movement within the room Levi stopped and peered into the room carefully.The blonde kid, Armin Arlet was there checking the gear. It was almost enough to get a smile to appear on Levi’s features.Almost.In reality, it caused his heart to break.

The look on Armin’s face was one that he recognized as one that was reflected in his own eyes each morning when he would wake up and check the gear, tend to the horses.It was a look of silent grief, of desperation to do anything to make sure those who he cared for were safe.

A voice in the back of his mind whispered insistently at him that he should go talk to the boy, tell him that what he was doing would not make a difference, that it was all just a waste of his time and effort.Levi shook his head as he tugged the door shut with a quiet click. If it brought him comfort, then who was he to tell him anything different? In the times that they lived in, having something that could bring some level of comfort was important, and even Levi could see that.

Levi watched as the rest were moved from the main barracks out of the city, the cadets not included on this mission.It had been a decision Levi had not entirely agreed with, however, if they were so certain about Annie Leonhart, then sending the rest of the recruits away without telling them why was the best solution.If one of them disappeared while they went to the Capitol, then it would be the one who vanished.If not, then they were all safe and they knew with absolute certainty that Annie was the Female Titan.

A breath passed over his lipsas he watched the others start to gather for the trip into the city.Jean was being given the wig; Armin, Mikasa, and Eren were being dressed in the rain gear to smuggle in their ODM gear which was not permitted within the confines of Wall Seena.

“Captain Levi, it’s time to go.”

It was Erwin who called to him, urged him to action as he made his way towards the coach that would carry the two of them.“This better work Erwin…” The caution was evident in his words as he took a seat leaning against the wall of the carriage in such a way that it allowed him to stretch his wounded leg.

“Have faith Levi.It will.”


	7. Chapter 7

(THEN)

The plan had worked, not in the way they had wanted, and not without significant costs to all those involved.The very idea that there was someone who had trained in the 104th Cadet Corps who could become a Titan had been confirmed.Stohess was in ruins with casualties in both the civilian and military populations.So many lives had been lost, so many homes destroyed and the safety that the people so close to Stohess had clung to was shattered.Annie Leonhart would not be of any use to them, not while she was still kept in the crystal that had been formed around her, and some part of Eren Jaeger had died as he fought her.Then there was the business with the Titan within the wall.

“Hange I’ve already heard these theories of yours regarding the Titan,” Levi replied through gritted teeth, looking towards them with a displeased look on his features.“The walls have been up for hundreds of years and I highly doubt the brass or the government is going to let you knock holes in walls just because you have a hunch and especially not after-“ His voice went quiet, glancing across the barracks towards where Erwin was with several of the other captains.

It didn’t stop Hange from continuing on with their thoughts though, if anything it increased them. Really, all Levi wanted to do was to go hide away from all the pointless noise of everyone and sleep.Between everything that had happened and his very blatant ignoring of a command from his commanding officer, things had been tense.Levi had not had chance to discuss with Erwin why despite being told to ‘remain there’ he had ignored that and gone aways.Sure maybe it wasn’t so he would do anymore damage to his leg, which he’d deny for hours that he had not injured it again.The limp he had had been there before, it wasn’t anything new.

His reasons had been well founded as well.Eren was his responsibility, one that he had sworn in from of an entire court room full of people that he’d be responsible for him, and he would kill him if need be.It also was on a deeper level, Eren was the last surviving member of his squad and Levi would be damned if he let the Military Police take him or let Annie kill him.

“You are aware you’re staring at him right?”

Levi pulled his gaze away from Erwin to look towards Hange, raising a brow at them.“Why should that be a concern? I stare at everyone, they find it intimidating.”

“Not with that gaze you don’t.You look at Erwin the way I look at my babies.” 

That earned a scoff from Levi as he pushed at the bowl of what had at one point probably been stew and was now just a cold bowl of mush, across the table away from him.“I look at him the way that you look at the Titans? Think you’ve finally lost your marbles Hange.”

“Look grumpy pants, I’ve known you as long as you’ve known Erwin.I know the both of you got history, but I also know your looks.That one you give him isn’t like one I’ve seen from you before.You’re smitten with the Commander.”

“Say it louder why don’t you?” Levi picked his cup of tea up by the rim and took a sip from it.Also cold, it was not his afternoon apparently.“Have to get back to the wall don’t you Hange?”

Hange rolled their eyes. “Got research to attend to, you should go talk to him before-“

“Catain Levi, a word.”Levi glanced towards Erwin and got to his feet moving towards where Erwin stood.The commander gave him one look before he started to walk.“I take it you have an explanation for ignoring my command?”

“With all do respect sir,” Levi said keeping his voice as calm and professional as possible. “You had just been arrested, and I am the one responsible for Eren Jaeger.”

The look that Erwin gave him sent a chill down Levi’s spine.Something was wrong, he was thinking over some bit of information.Levi was waiting for the hammer to drop, for Erwin to say something to scold him in front of the rest for his disobedience.Sure, him, Hange, and Miche were given a bit of leeway but Levi would make the same choice again if he was in a different situation. 

“Go check on Eren, they’re beginning to debrief the others who were involved in the incident.” Erwin lifted his hands, adjusting the ascot around Levi’s neck. Behind the mask of the commander’s eyes, Levi could see the concern in them.“Keep yourself safe Levi.”Then he was off and walking with two of the other scouts, who had just noticed he had started to walk away run after him.

Had it really all been because of Erwin had been worried about him? It was a possibility and neither of them were exactly experts at expressing their emotions, and since Levi was rather certain that Erwin did not want anyone to know about them not to mention the fact that he was the Commander of the Scouts, and Levi was a captain serving under him.There were probably so many regulations that they’d be breaking-then again, when did Levi ever care about rules and regulations to begin with?

His footsteps echoed on the stone floor, ignoring those around him as he moved about the assigned post for the Scouts while in Stohess.It was the sudden sound of a horn, the hoofbeats that caught his attention and he peered through the window towards where the rider was flagging down the Commander. 

“Titans!Wall Rose has fallen!”

It was like his blood had run cold at that statement.The activity in the area skyrocketed, everyone beginning to make the preparations to begin a new outing.There was no choice but to venture out beyond Stohess, and see the damage, protect the people.Not to mention, the rest of the 104th Cadet squad was still out there with Miche.

“I take it you plan on going?” 

Levi had gone to Erwin’s office eying the papers and maps on the man’s desk before him.“It would seem we don’t have much choice.”

“Leave us.” 

“Sir!”The other scouts in the room left the door closing behind them. 

“Levi…”

“I’m going Erwin. You’ll be bringing Eren, he is still my-“

“Once we reach our destination Levi, I’m splitting them up.Armin Arlet will be with Hange, and Mikasa Ackerman will be the one protecting Eren while they are in the field. You are to stay behind.”

Levi narrowed his eyes at Erwin and took a step forward.“You’re putting me on the sidelines?”

“You have injured your leg and if you keep going the way you are, you will permanently damage your leg and be unable to remain a soldier.Or worse, you’ll hurt it in the field and be killed.”

“I don’t need you to protect me Erwin.I’ve been doing a damn good job of that myself for majority of my life.”

“Levi.Do this for me.Please. Do this for me because I-“

“Because you what Erwin.”

The answer came not with words, but with an action.It happened so fast that Levi wasn’t certain when Erwin had moved from around his desk.It didn’t change the fact that Erwin’s arm was around his waist, the other hand on the back of his neck, lips on his own.Whatever frustration and anger Levi felt was subdued for the moment as he lost himself in the gentle kiss.

“Because I cannot lose you…you are the only thing that reminds me that I am still human. That I have something worth fighting for.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright folks, we have finally reached the point where the story meets up with itself. This chapter IS different from the first chapter, more condensed. 
> 
> Enjoy!

**(NOW)**

If there was one thing that Levi had been good at it was not following directions that were given to him.He had made the decision after Hange had learned of the history of the others; Reiner Braun and Bertholdt Hoover, how they had come from the same area as Annie. There was the high chance that they were Titans as well. The situation had put him on edge, knowing that, at the very least, Reiner and Eren were close, had seen it in Eren’s eyes when he was told.

It was different from the look he had when he had found out about Annie, a fire that burned in his eyes and the certainty with, which he spoke.Eren fully believed in his comrades, and that was an admirable trait.It was also the main reason why if he was looking for new Special Operations members, he would not pick Eren.Eren was trusting, not suspicious enough, but strong as hell.Maybe if he spent some more time with him…

It hadn’t taken Levi long to make the decision, not after he had heard the fighting, had seen the sky alight with the lightning and heard the screams.Levi had listened and agreed not to follow the first time.This time? Two were in danger, including Eren if what he heard from people shouting was correct.

“Easy…” he said softly to the horse as he saddled her up, taking a moment to pause before he swung up into the saddle and road out after the Scouts going after Eren, having changed into his uniform. It was not hard for him to catch up to the rest, or follow after them, since it was hard to miss the Armored Titan. 

It wasn’t an easy process to catch up, it required his horse being lifted to the top of the wall surrounding Trost, and then riding to the point far off in the distance where the lifts were to carry the horse back down.The crisp cool air stung his face, the sound of the horse’s hooves on the wall echoing as he road hard and fast towards the lifts.He had to make it, there was no other option for him.Everyone else was fighting and he’d be damned if he wasn’t there for this.

The Colossal Titan, the Armored Titan.They had started everything, they had led to the events that had caused the Female Titan to infiltrate their ranks, had allowed her the ability to murder his squad.The fire that burned through his veins was one he had not felt in years…not since-

_“I want to fly like you!”_

_“Let’s give her a chance Levi.”_

His eyes narrowed, refusing to admit that it was the thought of Isabel and Furlan flitting through his mind that caused it and not the wind.Why was he remembering them?Why now?Isbal and her infectious optimism, Furlan and that calm energy that he always seemed to radiate. 

Levi pulled up hard on the reigns, his horse rearing up onto her hind legs pawing at the air and snorting her displeasure at the action.The soldiers from the Garrison Unit stared at him with wide and surprised eyes, it was Hange who had his attention.They looked okay but were staring at him with the same surprise in their eyes as Levi road closer and held out a hand.

“Levi you’re supposed…” They said as they took his hand and allowed him to pull them up onto the horse. 

“I’m supposed to be following orders, but when have I ever done something like that?”His eyes snapped to the nearest lift, guiding the horse onto the lift.“Lower us.Now.”

“Captain Levi we-“

“I said lower us.”The gun was in his hand in the next instant pointing towards the soldier who was arguing with him.“Do I make myself clear?”

It was a side of him that he did not like anyone to see, the side that had developed after he had been abandoned in the Underground by his uncle so many years ago.It was the part of him that had fought tooth and nail to survive, that fought, that stole and killed to get what he needed to live in the Underground.

Now as he stared at the solider, one who Levi knew must have known the rumors about him, stared with fear in his eyes.The soldier moved looking to his comrade nodding as they engaged the machine, the platform slowly lowering.

Levi didn’t lower the weapon, not even when his eyes found those of Commander Pixus, who looked towards him with a blank expression.Pixus had been one of the ones who had once been on his side when he was first brought into the Scouts, acknowledging that Erwin had a point in recruiting him.He was the best at what he did, and they’d be fools not to make use of his ability. 

“Are you alright Hange?” Levi asked only holstering the gun when they were out of sight of those upon the wall.

“Seems like I should be asking you that Levi.Erwin had ordered you to stay behind, your leg-“

“I have lost too many people I care about by making the choice to stay behind.I’ve regretted it twice before I refuse to let it happen for a third time.”With Furlan and Isabel, and with his Squad. It would not happen again so long as there was still breath in his lungs.“I should have been there.”

They were both silent as the lift continued to lower. “Levi, there is something I need to tell you.”

Levi glanced over his shoulder towards them for a moment before his eyes fixed on the ground, so close a few more moments.“We don’t have time,” Levi stated and pressed his heels into the horse the second the lift hit the ground taking off at a fast gallop after the rest of the Scouts.

Whatever it was that Hange wanted to tell him would have to wait, they were already far behind, Levi could see that from the smoke that was lingering in the air, lines of green and red.With any luck though if there were any Titans they’d be drawn to the larger group.Even as that thought went through his mind, Levi hated himself for it.All the sounds were so distant, so far away.He had to make it.He had to be there. 

The forest was gaining towards them quickly, and despite what sounded like protests from Hange, Levi steered his horse right through the woods onto the path to the other side.There was a knot in his stomach that he was unfamiliar with.Never had he felt such nerves before a fight before, the anxiety that was coursing through his veins was foreign and he hated every second of it.

The light was the first thing he saw when he burst through the trees, the second was the Titans and the people that were fighting.“Hange…take the reigns.”

Levi lifted himself up so his feet were on the back of the horse, balancing expertly until the right moment and then.He was flying across the sky, spinning, slashing.The soldiers were fighting and dying, each one of them, the shouts and the screams. 

His eyes spotted Armin trying to find off a Titan while keep Jean safe, and Levi twisted in the air flying that way and slicing through the back of the Titan’s neck.The blood was hot on his skin, steam obstructing his vision.

“Captain Levi.”Levi turned to look towards Armin, the boy’s eyes wide with fear, with shock.Levi nodded his head and then was off again, using anything he could to get airborne again.

It was something that caught his attention, was it a shout, was it someone saying his name.Yet as he flew through the air, each Titan he passed fell.It was the shout of pure rage that had caught his attention.Levi landed on the ground and looked towards where, was it Eren was?It had to be Eren. The Titans were swarming another Titan, ripping it to shreds.

His mouth fell open, staring in awe of the sight, as with another shout from Eren the Titans seemed to start to swarm the Armored Titan, and another who he did not recognize.Then people were running, shouting to get on the horses.

“This is our chance!Full retreat now!”That was Erwin’s voice, there was no mistaking it. 

“Levi!”He reached out at the sound of his name and caught Hange’s arm as he was pulled back up onto the horse, following the rest of the scouts away from the carnage and back into the woods.It was only when they were on the other side and half way back did they stop.

There was only one thing on his mind as they stopped, and Levi helped Hange from the horse.He needed to see Erwin, he had to find him and reassure himself that there was nothing wrong, and that he was still alive. Maybe then the knot in his stomach would stop twisting into a knot.

His brows were knitted together at the crowd that seemed to be gathering, and he pushed his way through it and-

It was not possible. 

Levi hit the ground, his knees having given out from a mixture of shock and a sudden exhaustion that swept over him.His left leg was throbbing painfully, and the position he was in was only aggravating it.But he couldn’t move, he couldn’t speak.Erwin was standing there before him, blue eyes watching him, and smoke rising from his arm where it must have been bitten off.

“You’re…You’re one of them.”

“I apologize that I never told you Levi.After everything you’ve been through, losing your friends the way you did, and your squad at the hands of the Female Titan. For those reason, Levi I-“

Everything that he had thought he had felt for Erwin seemed to die int hat moment as the world around him crumbled to pieces, and he acted on the rage that swept through him.Levi launched himself forward, ignoring the way that his leg protested the sudden movement.The blade of his sword was inches from Erwin’s throat, his hand trembling so fiercely it had the blade shaking.“I should have killed you.I should have killed you years ago.I should have killed you but you-you talked me out of it! You’re the one who said that it was the Titans’ fault that they had died!And you-you’re.”

Someone had grabbed him.Arms moved around his torso pinning his left arm to his side, one hand wrapping strong fingers around his wrist and forcing the blade away from Erwin’s neck, or at least was trying to.“Captain Levi.You’re the one who told me I had to make a choice, that I had to trust in my squad. So trust us now.You do not want to do this.”

It was Eren.He was one of them.

“Everyone is tired, everyone is in shock, but you don’t-“Levi did not give Eren the chance to finish the comment.His shoulders went tense as he hooked his foot around Eren’s and yanked as hard as he could to topple the other despite the white hot ripping feeling that went through his right leg as he did so.The sound of the gasp did nothing to stop him, his motions were fluid as he used the other man’s surprise to grab his arm that held his wrist, and throw him over his shoulder. 

“You’re the reason my squad is dead.”The words held venom in them as he stared at Eren where he had fallen. 

“You’re one of them…”Levi was struggling to wrap his mind around everything that had happened.“You’re one of them.You have done nothing but lie to me since I joined the Scouts at your insistence.What was this Erwin?” Levi clenched his jaw, his hand on his injured leg.“Was it all just some game to you?Was all of it just a game?” 

“The nights where I woke up screaming because I was seeing their fucking faces again as they were ripped apart.The nights where I saw myself be the one to rip apart Furlan, where I was the one to pull Isabel’s head from her shoulders. Or when the only person who was able to get me to speak after my squad’s murder was you?”

No one dared to speak.

“Humanity’s strongest solider.That is what they call me isn’t it?” There was a smirk on his features as he shook his head.It was with unsteady fingers that he reached up and undid the clasp at his throat, the green cloak falling from his shoulders. 

“Consider this…my resignation.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You might be sitting there thinking, what? Two new chapters within the span of two days? Why?
> 
> Simple, I am aware that Chapter 8 was a tiny bit repetitive and I wanted to provide another chapter after that.

Levi had left behind everything of his days as a Scout when he got beyond Wall Sina, having made sure that there was nothing that could identify him.It was a difficult task, the majority of the human race was able to identify him as Captain Levi Ackerman, Humanity’s Strongest Hero. Where he had landed when he had managed to make it over Wall Sina had been strategically planned on his walk from Wall Rose to Wall Sina.It had taken days, weeks.At one point he managed to borrow a horse to ride the remainder of the way to the wall.He had flown over the wall with ease at a point he had picked out years ago.It was the closest to one of the stairways back down into the Underground.

Not all of what lay beyond Wall Sina was a city, there were patches of small farmlands and wooded areas.One of those held the mouth of a cave with a tunnel that led to the Underground.It was one that he had visited not long after he had met Isabel.All Levi had to do was close his eyes, and he could remember the look of joy in her eyes as he had taught her how to use the gear that he and Furlan used to steal from the merchants who traded in the Underground. Or how she had looked when they had gone to the cave, and she had let the little bird that she had risked her life to save go free again, up into the sunlight.She had been family to him, the same as Furlan.

There was a moment of hesitation, of doubt in his decision.No one resigned from the Scouts, they either were discharged, retired because of a loss of limb, or were eaten.What he did?That was worth of a court marshal, and he had little doubt there was a warrant out for his arrest at that point.If it came down to that, it would be simple for him to hide.He had managed to do it so far.The only reason why he had not killed Erwin when he, Isabel, and Furlan were arrested in the Underground, was because of Furlan and Isabel.It had nothing to do with Erwin.

The name, the man’s face, his blue eyes and that smile that had once made his day even just the slightest bit brighter flashed through his mind, and then Levi jumped down into the mouth of the cave.He landed with ease on the rock that was closest to the opening.With one last look at the sky, and the world that had once been his home, he lifted the handles of his ODM gear, and pressed the trigger.The hook launched and with it, Levi flew down the tunnels that he had used to know so well.It didn’t take long to reach the Underground, having spent time flying through the darkness, moving from areas of cool air, to the warmth that emanated from the city.With a spin, Levi detached the ODM gear and landed gracefully just outside the city limits.

And his eyes went wide with what he saw.A part of him had expected changes, what he had not thought was for everything to have remained the same. There was no changes, not a single thing except for the faces of people who walked by.There was a point in time when he had known everyone, each face, and each name.With the ODM gear that they had stolen, they had been able to not only survive, but help others make a living.Their goal had been simple, save enough money to live above ground, first by paying their way up, then by being able to survive up there.It hadn’t just been a three person operation, they had employed runners, lookouts, people to provide them with information. 

Then he was in the air once more soaring above the roofs of the stone houses carved from the rocks around them, above the heads of people who stared as he whipped by.His memory served him well as he landed a block away from he place he, Furlan, and Isabel had once called home.It was a short walk before he was just outside, and Levi pressed his back to the wall staring up the stairs towards the two room unit that they had called home, that they had ran their base of operations against.

Abandoned. The only sign of people being there was a notice pasted to the door, and the pile of dried and shriveled fruits.For the Underground, those were as good as gold, and placed there in memorial to those who had died. Flowers did not grow, and fruit was one of those foods that was brought down to the Underground.It had been custom to bring someone a piece of fruit rather than flowers if you were interested in them.

With a quick glance around, Levi climbed the first flight of steps, turning to the left as he reached the second.His hand hovered over the handle for a moment, his eyes flicking to the notice on the door.It had his name on it, a statement of continued ownership during his military service by orders of the Military Police with his Uncle’s named signed on it.That alone wasn’t a good sign, but it meant that no one had gone in. He smirked and shook his head as he opened the door and stepped inside.It was dark, smelled of dust and must. Nothing was changed, except that there was no one there.

Levi could hear their voices, Furlan, Isabel, talking and laughing. He had to swallow past the lump in his throat as he removed the ODM gear, placing it in the old closet that the three of them had used to store their gear. Then he rolled up his sleeves, glancing around once more.It was not going to clean itself.He tugged a handkerchief from his pocket, tying it around his head to cover his mouth and nose as he set about working.It had been a source of pride for him, how clean and pristine that the place had been kept.

It was easier for him to focus on work than on the reality of the situation that he had gotten himself into.Everything that he had done only confirmed what those who had been around when he had first joined up with the Scouts was true.Perhaps he was too violent to be a soldier, his moral compass to far astray from what good and moral soldiers have. He was a criminal, always had been, and now, it would seem he always would be.His eyes moved over towards the kitchen where he would spend hours at the table cleaning his gear and making sure it was in perfect working order. 

_“Why do you spend so much time on the gear Levi?”_

_“To keep us safe.”There’d be a soft laugh, and a pair of arms sliding around his shoulders, a kiss to his jaw that was a promise for things to come later that evening.“To keep you safe Furlan.”_

Had he made a mistake in running?Had all he had done been one giant mistake?Perhaps he should have let Erwin explain why he had kept it hidden, and should have given him the benefit of the doubt regarding what was going on.There were questions that he had and wanted answers to, that he felt he deserved answers to.Not to mention the friends that would soon be remembered for their sacrifices, including Miche. He had done everything to protect the Cadets and it had cost him his life. It was a price that most soldiers would end up paying in the end.

Levi lifted his hand up to the underside of the table feeling around for a moment before a faint smile crossed his lips.Still there…When they had first gotten the place, both him and Furlan had added their initials to the bottom of the table, FC and LA.

_“Why are you so angry?”_

_“Damn it Levi you keep running off half cocked and leaving me out of your plans.”_

_“That’s nothing new Furlan.”_

_“No what’s new is that I care about your sorry ass even if you don’t.”_

Everything had changed when he had met Furlan, he had learned a different way to live in the Underground, less violence and more thieving.That didn’t mean if it came down to it he wouldn’t defend himself if he had to.Levi had built a reputation while he lived down there the day he had been dropped off by his uncle.He had beaten a man half to death, and his uncle left him behind in the Underground.No one wanted him, no one needed him or cared about him.Until Furlan, and until Isabel.

Levi lowered his head to the table, letting his eyes close in an effort to keep the tears at bay.Alone.Once again he was alone, and this time, he had no one to blame but himself.Some part of his mind had been able to process enough that surely Erwin had had a reason for not telling him about what he was.It still felt like a betrayal, especially after all Erwin knew of him and of his past. 

The thoughts and confusion were still whirling through his mind as sat by the table eventually drifting off into a dreamless sleep.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright here we go with the next chapter! Enjoy everyone!

It had taken a full two days of cleaning to remove all the dust, scrub the floors, clean the linens in the unit and get the place livable.Of course, he had grown used to the whispers, of opening up a window to see people standing there staring.It was was a tentative peace.There were those in the city who still remembered him, the boy who had attacked an adult twice his size, not only winning, but injuring the man to the point where he was left behind by the Military Police.The Underground was meant for criminals, and that was what Levi became in order to survive.He stole, he fought, and even killed once or twice to survive. Levi had been a force to reckon with before he had joined the Scouts.Now?

A lethal weapon with a target on his back.

In truth, Levi expected the Military Police to show up at any point.To the Scouts, he was a deserter.There was a reason why people did not resign from the military, and Levi was not to be an exception.If anything, some part of his mind expected to be made an example of for leaving, for attacking his commanding officer.

The lights in the Underground seemed to be dimming, and leaving let out a breath as he took a seat at the table as he had once done every evening and set about cleaning the knife he kept at his waist, an old one that he had kept hidden.The faint sound of metal against metal caught his attention but he didn’t move even as people flew in through the windows, burst through the door.

“Captain Levi Ackerman, we have a warrant for your arrest pending trial by the Tribunal,” a member of the Military Brigade stated from where he stood in the doorway.“Come quietly and we will show you the respect an officer of your position and name is due.”

Levi pushed himself to his feet, though he didn’t move from where he stood.One heartbeat, another, the officers were moving towards him.Everything happened at once.Levi used his knee to knock the table up and used it to ram into the officers with as much force as he could muster behind his powerful kick.He dropped to the ground taking a moment to gauge his surroundings as the officers stumbled backwards, shouts of ‘stop him’ ringing out clearly in the small room.

 _Faster than I expected._ The thought crossed through Levi’s mind as he hooked his fingers around the chair he had been sitting it and flung it towards the officer standing by the window, running after it.Using his shoulder to knock aside the startled MP officer who had been hit by the chair, he grabbed onto the window ledge, leaping onto it.He reached up, grabbing the roof and kicking his legs up into the air as he pulled himself upwards.The velocity allowed him to make it onto the roof.

Then Levi ran as hard and as fast as his legs could carry him.The footfalls on the tile roofs created the sound of people banging pots together as he sprinted, and leapt from roof to roof in his efforts to evade those who had come for him.

The Military Police had gotten there far too quickly for them to have been sent by Erwin.There was that small part of his mind that nagged at him, reminding him that if Erwin had figured out where he was running to, that he would have come himself to avoid just this situation.Erwin was a smart man, a smart man who had once claimed to love-

Levi skidded to a halt as the hooks from the ODM gear flew around him in all different directions. A string of unsavory curses fell from his lips as he turned and managed to get through an opening by leaping through the hole and off of the roof he had been on.He spun managing to land into a somersault, coming up with one foot on the ground, ready to run, only to come face to face with the barrel of a gun.

And someone he had not seen in years.

“I had a tip from a very angry young man that you had returned,” Kenny Ackerman said his eyes fixed on his nephew.A figure in an MP uniform moved besides him, and Levi recognized him as Furlan’s younger brother.Levi clenched his teeth together so hard that it made his jaw ache painfully.“Levi Ackerman, you are accused of desertion, and of attack members of the Military Brigade, an act of trea-“

His uncle didn’t have the chance to finish as Levi acted, a cornered animal desperate for escape.He shoved the barrel of the gun up as he lunged forward and slammed his weight into his uncle, knocking him back and into the other officer who was there before Levi took off again.It was a foolish move, and Levi knew it, turning his back on a squad of men who had been trained to do kill scouts by his uncle.

Stars burst in front of his eyes as the dull thud hit his leg causing him to stumble.The pain came after, white hot, searing, yet still he ran, pushing his wounded leg to the point where he knew in the back of his mind that he was going to be lucky if he did not do permanent damage.He could see one of the side tunnels, one he had come to know well as a child.

The pain was just enough of a distraction that he did not hear the other man who had swooped down behind him, only realized he was there when the wire went around his throat.One of his hands shot up, managing to get it wedged between the wire and his throat as it was pulled taut.He gagged, feeling the wire slice into his skin on his neck, his fingers.It took that moment where for many, they would have given up, for Levi’s survival instinct to kick into overdrive.

With his free hand he fumbled at his waist, managing to tug the knife loose that he had been cleaning so diligently earlier.As he grasped for the knife, he pushed back, stepping towards his attacker, closing the distance between them.Levi spun the blade in his hand and then stabbed back, feeling the brief resistance as the knife sank into the man’s side.The moment he felt the wire loosen around his throat, despite how badly his leg was throbbing he lifted, and brought his foot down hard on the top of his attacker’s.It did the trick and the man dropped the wire.Levi whirled, pulling the knife from his side and bringing it up just under his sternum, twisting it.The man’s eyes went wide and he opened and closed his mouth wordlessly, before he went limp.

The knife fell from his grasp, the exhaustion hitting him suddenly as he staggered back away from the fallen MP that he had slain.He reached out to grasp the wall only to have his hand touch nothing, all that was near him was air. His knees buckled, his body swaying dangerously before he fell, his knees hitting the ground. His eyes were on the ground before it began to rush up to meet him.He had closed his eyes, waiting for the impact.

It never came.

What did was the feeling of hands on his shoulders, someone lifting him up off of the ground, an incredible warmth surrounding his battered body.It took a moment for him to lift his head, pain going through his neck as he did so.It was the one person he had not expected to see, but had in the back of his mind, hoped he would see. 

“Erwin…”

The last thing that Levi could remember before the darkness took him, was the blue of Erwin’s eyes and the sorrow that lingered in them.


	11. Chapter 11

The first thing that Levi heard was the resounding boom that went along with canon fire.It dragged him from the comfort of the darkness where nothing hurt, and he did not have to think about the weight of everything that had been placed upon his shoulders.The sudden motion with which he moved at the sound caused him to let out a growl of pain as he twisted and moved his leg.Everything ached, far worse than he could have ever remembered feeling in all his time in the military.It took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the room around him, people were talking faintly, perhaps just outside the room. 

His hand moved down towards his leg, feeling what had to have been a splint to keep him from moving it and- it was the faint jingle that pulled his eyes to his wrist where the cuff was lashed about his wrist and to the side of the bed.Someone was going to pay for that someone just as soon as he figured out who it was who had decided to chain him to the bed.

“Get Commander Erwin, Captain Levi’s awake.”

Levi didn’t recognize the voice that had spoken, nor could he recall the sound of the door being opened.Then again he had spent the past few moments seeing just how hard he could yank on the chain in an attempt to get his wrist free.The simplest way would have been for him to dislocate his thumb and slip his wrist free, a painful way but it would work and it wouldn’t take him to long to be able to do that.He just had to get the right leverage to dislocate his thumb and then he could-

“You’re awake.”

A cold chill ran down his spine as he looked over towards Erwin who stood by the door, using his foot to close it behind him.Levi said nothing just watched as the man moved towards the bed and sat down on the edge of it, right by his wounded leg. “You’re lucky Levi that you did not fracture your leg, your muscle is torn and there’s a gash on your calf from a knife, and a wound to your throat from the wire. Other various cuts and scrapes.”

Torn muscle? He could still fight with that, run with that.Now he just had to get the proper position so he could dislocate his thumb, shove Erwin away from him and get out of the room. He wouldn’t have to deal with Erwin, he wouldn’t have to deal with any of this.

“We need to talk.”

_Understatement._

“Levi I should have told you years ago what I am.”

_A Titan in human clothes? A cannibal? A murderer?_

“Everything I did, I did to protect you. There are people out there who wanted you out of the Scouts after you joined because of who you are, the same people who would have locked me away if they had known what I am.I don’t like what I am Levi. I hate what I am.” 

_To protect me?No.He wasn’t trying to protect me. No one ever tries to protect me._

“The first time I saw you fly through the air, I knew you were special, that you were all we could have hoped for, all that I could have hoped for.I made a vow I would do anything I could to destroy the Titans, and then I met you, and you gave me another reason to fight.”

_Where are you going with this Erwin?_

“I understand why you’re angry, I would be too.”Levi watched with wide eyes as Erwin shifted and unlocked the handcuff, before pressing a patch into the palm of his hand.“I hope that you can find it somewhere in your heart to forgive me.”His eyes were on the patch in his palm knowing full well whose it was.The loss of another friend, of someone who he had trained with after joining the Scouts.

“He was protecting the Cadets…” Levi said in a quiet voice.It was easier to talk about others than it was about himself and how he was feeling.His thumb brushed lightly over the patch in his hand, feeling the threads that created the Wings of Freedom. “He won’t have died in vein…” 

“None of those we lost will. Despite everything, we’ve made a great step forward for humanity. There are things that we have to discuss if you still wish to be apart of the Scouts Levi. If you can serve under me.”Erwin stood at that point without another word.“If you can, we have a meeting to discuss the situation in an hour, Hange will be presenting.Get cleaned up and get dressed.”Without another glance back, Erwin left the room leaving Levi alone with his thoughts.

Which was the exact opposite of what Levi wanted in that moment.Levi had not wanted to be alone to think about what he would do and all the information he had.Could he still serve under Erwin?Could he put aside his feelings of unease and uncertainty to fight for humanity?His eyes fell to the patch in his hand and he sighed.Of course he would, there was no doubt in his mind when that patch had been placed in his hand.Another friend who had paid the price of freedom.

“Damn you Erwin,” he muttered as he pushed himself into a sitting position, shifting enough to get his legs over the edge of the bed.Yes, his left leg was splinted, but he was not about to let that stop him, not if he wanted to make it to that meeting.He glanced around the room and spied the clothes and the basin of water by a small table.

Levi gritted his teeth together and pushed himself up into a standing position, pain shooting up through his leg, though not as bad as he had expected.It could bare weight, not easily but it could.One step at a time, Levi made his way over to the table, the limp from his wounded leg severe but not something that he was going to let stop him. By the time he sat at the table he was completely out of breath from the effort of walking.

He lifted his leg up to rest on the second chair carefully undoing the splint and the bandage in turn.If he had not been told what had happened to him, Levi would have sworn up and down that his leg was broken.The bruise on his leg was deep, hues of purple and blue spreading along the length of his thigh, and on his calf another bruise and a wound that had been sewn shut.So running was not going to be an option…

Levi shook his head and grabbed one of the clothes, dipping it into the water to clean the injury and pat it dry. With another cloth he cleaned off his face, the cold water helping him to wake up.Getting dressed was far more of a hassle than he liked.After he had wrapped the bandage back around his calf, it was getting out of the plain clothes that he had been put in, and into the uniform once more.The straps and belts that went with the ODM gear were out of the question, the pressure on his thigh and his calf would not allow him to be able to move, and he was only able to put on his right boot, settling for a shorter boot that had been left for him that came up to his ankle.

He scowled as he put his ascot on around his neck and shrugged on the coat.It wasn’t sort of the presentation that he wanted to display to everyone, especially not after how he had acted in front of everyone that day. If he was honest with himself, he acted like an irrational child running off of base instinct and childish feelings of betrayal.If he was honest, he was surprised he wasn’t locked up in a cell awaiting a trial.

His eyes moved back towards where he had been cuffed to the bed, his brows furrowing slightly, then again, maybe that was the reason why he had been cuffed. Protection for Commander Erwin. What did they expect him to do kill him?

Of course they did, you said that you should have killed him years ago.

It was time to get going, and Levi made his way slowly over to the door, opening it and coming face to face with one of the 104th cadets, or former cadets.He had to stop thinking of them like that, they were all Scouts now.“Christa isn’t it?”

The young woman looked at him with wide blue eyes that reminded him of Erwin’s, her blonde hair tied back out of her eyes.She was the smallest of the group that had joined from the 104th, but she did appear to have heart, and some amount of courage. “Commander Erwin wanted to make sure you got to the room okay, I volunteered to go with you.”

Of course Erwin would have sent someone, he had known all along what Levi would choose, from the moment he had pressed the patch into his hands.Levi nodded his head, and followed after Christa as she walked managing to keep up with her and doing his best to ignore the pain in his leg with each step.

Wasn’t Christa normally with another?What was her name, Ymir?Levi’s brows knit together as he glanced over towards her.She seemed quieter, sadder.It was something he thought that later, he would follow up on, filing it away for later.

He nearly walked right into Christa when she stopped outside a room and knocked opening the door and stepping inside.“Captain Levi as requested Commander.”

“Thank you Christa, you’re dismissed.” 

Levi moved into the room, head held high, his eyes on Erwin.He made note of the others in the room, Hange and Moblit, Eren, Mikasa, Jean, and Armin, and another who he thought his name was Connie.As he stumbled slightly, he felt a hand steady him, and he flashed Hange a thankful smile as they helped him into the chair.“I apologize for not saluting Commander, walking and standing is a bit difficult.”

“It is fine, we do have things that we need to discuss, and now that you’re here, we can begin.”


	12. Chapter 12

Among the topics that had been discussed included the Titan that was in the wall, that Ymir had been a Titan, the disturbing reality that Titans were human, and, much to Levi’s displeasure, a certain Captain’s reckless behaviors that led to a fight in the Underground. A part of his mind was still working its way through the information about the Titans being humans, that the ones in the recent attack had all be humans from the village where Connie Springer was from.There was no feasible proof other than the Titan who was now in their custody and the photograph of Connie’s mother.

What did that make him?A murderer?If he had spent all these years killing Titans who had once been humans, did that mean he was a murderer?Everything he had done had been for the good of humanity, all those Titans he had executed had been for that, to keep humanity safe. But they had once been humans.

“Captain Levi, do you care to explain to everyone what happened while you were in the Underground?”

The look that Levi gave Erwin clearly said that he had no intention of explaining to anyone what had happened in the Underground, and least of all he was going to admit to those in the room details of his life.It was a command though, and he would obey, at least in part.

“My uncle, Kenny Ackerman, is a member of the Military Police’s Anti-Personnel Squad.They handle different disputes throughout the ranks.”He reached out and picked up the cup of tea that had been poured for him, the rim of the cup warm on his finger tips.“Initially they had said that there was a warrant for my arrest for desertion.Knowing our Commander, I did not believe that it came from him. That was proven a reality when I was attacked, forced to defend myself, and nearly assassinated twice.”He took a sip from the cup his gaze darkening slightly.“Is that all you wished for me to share Commander?”

Eren seemed to realize something as he stood up looking from Levi to Mikasa.“Mikasa isn’t…isn’t your last name Ackerman?”

Levi glanced towards the girl with the dark hair, the one who seemed overly attached to Eren, and who just so happened to be staring directly at him in turn. 

“An interesting point Eren, but that is a discussion for another day,” Levi said, setting the cup down.“Commander Erwin, do wish to hear more about what happened down there?”

“Levi you are to be within eyesight of someone from the Scouts at all time,” Erwin responded, his tone firm, gaze unwavering.“I do not trust the actions of the Military Police, and we know they do not look upon us favorably after Stohess, and with us having custody of Eren and you having killed one of theirs.You are our best fighter and you are successfully out of commission for the time being, less able to fight back.”

There were a thousand smart remarks on the tip of his tongue, but he held them back.Right then, he was determined to show Erwin that he could serve under him.Or at least show him that he wasn’t about to take off running or throw a blade at him. Of course, Levi was wary about Erwin, that betrayal still fresh in his mind reminding him that there had been a huge secret kept from him.

“Eren, you on the other hand, are not to go far without Mikasa or Jean, keep yourself safe.You are still a part of Captain Levi’s squad, but with him not physically fit for duty, I am assigning the task to them.I unfortunately cannot spare any senior officers for this and for that I do apologize.”

“Yes sir,” Eren said his eyes flickering from Mikasa to Jean, and then to Armin.“Commander, sir, what about Armin?”

“He is to continue his work with Section Commander Hange, he’s proving to have as good as insight as they do and it would be a detriment to keep the two of them apart.”He held up a hand when Eren looked about to speak again.“The mission to Shiganshina is on hold until we can form a new Special Operations Squad to accompany you.Levi, while you are recovering I want you to begin the selection of a new squad to accompany you.Train them, but if you do so much as go near your ODM gear I will have to take more drastic measures.When you are not with either myself or Hange, you are to be in the yard with as many eyes around you as possible.”

“You’re acting as if I plan to run away,” Levi commented lifting the cup of tea to his lips to take a sip from it once more.“Which is not physically possible at this moment Commander.I do feel as though I should apologize to you, and to everyone in this room for my behaviors, they were unbecoming of a soldier.”

“Levi, you and I will continue this conversation later, though I am certain your comrades understand your position, the newer ones may need more of an explanation at some point, especially if you are considering them for your team.”

Levi nodded his head, choosing to focus instead on the cup in front of him, the smooth texture of the porcelain beneath his finger tips, the warmth of the steam hitting the palm of his hand, and the subtle scent of the tea int he cup.It kept him grounded, when his mind threatened to wander off into past memories, lulled there by the deep tone of Erwin’s voice.

“Hange, Levi, I would like a word with the both of you in private, the rest of you are dismissed.”

“Sir!”The others said in unison, performing the familiar salute before they filed out of the room, leaving Levi, Hange, and Erwin alone in the room.

“I want to apologize to you both.We have, the three of us, been through hell and back together and I should have told you what I am years ago,” Erwin began once the door closed.“I should have been there helping the two of you with Eren when we first got custody of him.I should have been there to try and help remove Annie Leonhart from the glass prison that she wrapped herself in.”Levi watched as Erwin closed his eyes and let out a breath.“I have known what I am for years, since before we met Levi, from the time I was a Cadet. I refuse to rely on my Titan abilities to influence my leadership and skill as a soldier and as the Commander of the Survey Corps.I am aware that I am going to have to work to earn your trust back.”

“Erwin it-“

“Yes Hange, I will answer any questions that you have to the best of my ability.”The noise that Hange made out of pure excitement was one that Levi wasn’t certain was human, though it was nice to see them happy like that.It showed just how much they loved what they did.Though it was out of that pure excitement that Hange left the room to probably go start discussing questions with Mobilt.

It did unfortunately leave him and Erwin alone in the room.He leaned back against the chair, not looking directly at him.“Did you mean what you said? About how you felt about me?” Levi asked after a moment of silence, some part of him desperate for the answer.He had to know because maybe then he could begin to figure out where this put him.Levi wouldn’t look at Erwin, pointedly looking a particularly fascinating knot in the wood wall.“That I’m the only thing that reminds you that you’re still human?”

There had been such emotions in his eyes when Erwin had said that, the desperation and the love that lingered there.It had taken him a long while to realize that that was what the second emotion was.Love.It had been years since he had last seen it in anyone’s eyes; not since Isabel and Furlan.

“I meant every word of it Levi.You are the reason I continue to fight, you are the reason I refuse to lose control become the monster that lurks inside. It is my desire to protect you that keeps me going.”

_Say it._

“If something were to happen to you, I’m not sure I’d be able to remain sane.”

_So say it Erwin._

Erwin went silent and Levi finally pulled his eyes away from the wall to look over towards his Commander.Had he always looked so tired?Had those dark circles always been under his eyes, or were they recent?There was that look again, that distant gaze he had seen on so many of the other members of the Survey Corps, and even more in the eyes of the Scouts.That lost and empty look of someone who simply did not know where to go from there.

“If you have time…” Levi began the hesitation in his voice.“I would like to request you help me return to the room I had been in.”Was he about to use his injury as an excuse to leave a situation that was making him uncomfortable? Nope.Was he using his injury as a way to draw Erwin back out of his own mind where he seemed to be currently trapped? Yes.Levi had spent enough time around Erwin to realize what was happening, and he knew that that was look that had been in his eyes at least once or twice in the past years.

It took a moment before Erwin responded with a nod moving over to offer Levi his arm for leverage.He took it gratefully pulling himself to his feet.The only issue with his entire plan was that Erwin was almost a full head taller than he was, making it uncomfortable to put his arms around Erwin’s shoulders for support and he absolutely refused to be carried like some helpless damsel in distress. 

Levi made to turn towards the direction that he had come from only to have Erwin stop him.“It’s this way,” he said giving the other a look, his brow raised questioningly.Erwin shook his head.“Then where exactly am I going to be sleeping Erwin?Surely I had been stuck in that room for a reason.”As in it was as far away from Erwin as possible until they were certain he wouldn’t slit the other man’s throat.It was still an idea in the back of his mind but he wasn’t fully sold on murdering him for the time being.

“I said already, you are not to be out of sight of either myself or Hange, and if you are not with us, you are to be surrounded by others for your protection.”

“Erwin….”

“You will be staying in the room joined to mine, the door has been removed.If anything happens then I will know.”

Levi wrinkled his nose and pulled back from Erwin as he turned to walk the other way, his hands shoved into his pockets as he started to limp down the hall.“Levi you are going to hurt your leg if you keep pushing it.It’ll take longer to heal.”

“Bind it up then, it’s the wound in my calf that is the concern,” Levi stated fully aware that Erwin was very close behind him and he was not the biggest fan of that.Or he was but right then he had a sinking feeling he knew what it meant.“Erwin, if you pick me up I swear I will do whatever it takes to get you to put me down.”

“You should not be pushing yourself this hard.”

“I’m certain walking across the floor it is something I am perfectly capable of doing.”

“And if you trip?”

“I get back up and keep on forehead as I always have.”

A hand on his shoulder stopped him in his tracks as he turned to look at Erwin.“You don’t have to though Levi.There are people here to help you.”

Levi shrugged off his hand as he kept walking.“I’ve been alone for a long time Erwin.The moment I got the title Humanity’s Strongest Soldier.”The sound of footsteps stopped as he kept moving down the hall.Levi knew where he was, knew the way to Erwin’s room and if he was correct he could get to his own quarters through the door within the Commander’s room.Simple enough.

It was a much longer and painful walk than he expected, and whatever privacy he had had for those few fleeting moments was gone.Erwin was serious about keeping him close it would seem. By the time he had gotten to his own room, cutting through Erwin’s to get there, his leg was throbbing painfully.

He let out a sigh of relief when he sat on the bed and was able to put his leg up.There was a lot to be done though before he’d be able to fully rest, and yet it seemed all his energy was gone as he leaned back against the wall, letting his eyes close.


End file.
